DATE: 19 Feb 2007, 9:34 am / MOOD: Other

Kate and Craig make excuses to throw a dinner party like you make excuses for that crusty issue of Latin Inches that you "accidentally" had sandwiched between the mattresses of your bed. Which is to say that Kate and Craig do not have anything to do with Hispanic pornography, but have everything to do with throwing dinner parties to celebrate the Chinese New Year.

Though lets be honest with ourselves for a moment: What better occasion to throw a dinner party than to ring in the year of the boar? And, what better way to ring in the year of the boar than with a round of Whynattes? And, what better way to drink Whynattes, than to do so with 16 people that couldn't look hotter even if they were wearing suede vests covered in flaming petroleum jelly?

Which, perhaps, is to say that I am wearing a suede vest as I write these very words. And not because it's cold.

Kate accompanied the photos below with the following email:

"Hi Guys,
Craig and I decided to ring in the Year of the Pig by having a dinner party for 16...
We of course did whynattes, which we called Chinattes on this special occasion due to the fact that we all enjoyed a fortune cookie with our whynattes.
Lynsey Friedman is your #1 Whynatte fan and also a pterydactyl of the Central Park Rangers soccer team. Notice Martin in the background of the photo of Megan enjoying her Whynatte.The girls in the group photo are L-R: Amelia, Megan, Lynsey, Kate, Elena, Keri, Bianca & Erinn...
Enjoy...
xoxo Kate"

The "Chinatte".

First off, what did I say in the post below about people always closing thier eyes when they drink a Whynatte for the first time?

Second off, it's still safe to say that Martin has a finer head of hair than a purebred Yak from Nepal.

On the left is Lynsey, Whynatte's "#1 fan". This is all well and good, but Lynsey's real charm is the fact that she was actually born with gills.

On the right is Kate. Kate's favorite Chinese proverb is "Be not afraid of a glass with full latte. Be afraid of those with no latte at all".

It's a crying shame that they don't make a Crate Depot doesn't make a crate large enough to fit all 7 of these beautiful women into. I guess we'll just have to stick with the 2 woman crate that we currently have hanging from the ceiling in the office.

Happy Chinese New Year's from Kate, Craig, and Whynatte! Thank you to all of Kate and Craig's friends that showed the Whynatte some love.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 13 Feb 2007, 12:35 pm / MOOD: Other

Discover more at www.whynatte.com!

With help from famed latte psychologist Jacob Johanssen, Whynatte takes a look at family Whynatte dynamics:

As a young man, the introduction of mate to parent is a potentially nervous affair, and one which we can all probably relate to.

Says Dr. Johanssen, "Men, don't kid yourself: on this most auspicious of occasions - the meeting of cherished lover and venerable parents - beneath the smiles and polite questions lurk intense jealousies and fears. These dynamics can worsen with time, leading to an "Everybody Loves Raymond" type situation, or like the downy hairs on your wife's upper lip they can lighten, wither, and become an unimportant or even - dare I say - charming part of your union to be".

Minding the signs is the first step to de-activating them. Let's see what's really going on, as we take a look at some of the common concerns:

"Will she prepare our son a proper Whynatte?"

"Will she be faithful with her Whynatte?"

"I hope she comes from a good family, the type of family that values the Whynatte"

"I feel like your mother always judges the way that I pour my Whynatte"
"Honey you're just being paranoid, have another Whynatte"

"Son, in my day, with a few Whynattes under my belt, I coulda taken to or three girls like her to the Latte"

"I don't like the way your father watches me drink my Whynatte"

"I wonder if she will raise the children in the Whynatte system, and teach them the meaning of Whynatte?"

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 12 Feb 2007, 7:32 am / MOOD: Other

Find out more at www.whynatte.com! 

While growing up, my father used to always tell me, "When I was your age, we had to drink our Whynattes out of cups made of wood. When we didn't have Jagermeister, we would have to use molasses". Pops always thought that Whynatte drinking was so much tougher back when he was a kid. He thought that it was inherently more satisfying to drink a Whynatte back when he was doing it, because it used to take 2 days, and 3 grown men to prepare a Whynatte.

Times have changed. The technology used to make a Whynatte has evolved. While we respect our past, we embrace change.

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of 28, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today, and feel proud of the current state of Whynatte drinking. Sure, the kids these days don't have to be bothered with the time consuming process of using a traditional latte churn to grind the latte paste, but that does not take away from the heart that they're putting into their Whynatte drinking.

Look at the following photos, and tell me that the tradition of Whynatte is not in good hands. In the coming years, it's going to be the Sophie's, Caroline's, and Claire's of the world that are going to be responsible for the upkeep of the fine Whynatte tradition.

I, for one, see a bright future for the Whynatte.

This cat looks nice. It would look much nicer dipped "full feline" sytle into an urn of Jagermeister.

The girls of Charleston will teach you a thing or two about Whynatte drinking.

Caroline and Sophie. They're bringing latte back. Those mother fuckers don't know how to act.

The kids these days even do tricks with their Whynattes. Believe it or not, Caroline actually threw her Jager shot into her latte.

I'm pretty sure the guy in red was saying something to the effect of:

"Look Caroline, I know you're busy drinking that Whynatte, but the UN Security Council must reaffirm the sovereignty, independence and territorial integrity of Chad and the Sudan, as well as all States in the region, in order to seriously address the political and security situation along Chad’s borders with the Sudan".

Yes, indeed, the future of Whynatte is as bright as ever.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 07 Feb 2007, 8:01 am / MOOD: Other

Find out more at www.whynatte.com! 

So you thought that you were acting pretty crazy when you stumbled out of the bar on Saturday night, shirtless, and proceeded to tell the cab driver that you needed a ride to Marrakech. Well, you and your fictional ride to Morocco were sober compared to the night that Boogie, Kristen, Katie, and Ryan had last week.

I'll let the photos speak for themselves. Actually, no, I'll let Ryan and Boogie speak for the photos.

Boogie, "Yeah, so Ryan had just taken the rusty pickaxe from the shed. I told him, 'Ryan, you've had 13 Whynattes tonight, and a bottle of vodka. Getting drunk and playing with the pickaxe don't mix'. He was hearing none of it".

Ryan, "I said, 'look, Boogie, I'm going to get up on your shoulders and drop this here shot of Jagermeister into your latte, and then my girlfriend Kristen is going to get on top of your shoulders and drop her shot of Jagermeister into your latte, or I'm going to break you with this pickaxe'".

Boogie, "It's a good thing that I recently had my tetanus shot, 'cause Ryan was ready to take out my spleen with that pickaxe".

Ryan, "Had he not allowed Kristen and I onto his shoulders, I was ready to grill his spleen, and then put his spleenless body into a crate on a barge headed to Zaire".

Photo 1) Ryan, atop Boogie's shoulders, dropping his shot of Jagermeister into Boogie's latte.

Photo 2) Kristen, atop Boogie's shoulders, dropping her shot of Jagermeister into Boogie's latte.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 06 Feb 2007, 6:56 am / MOOD: Other

 More fresh Whynatte action at www.whynatte.com!

The following is a quote taken verbatim from the Welcome to Auburn University page on the Auburn University website:

"Auburn University is not only known for its great education, its also has notability for its impact on the state of Alabama".

Please read that again, and this time ask yourself the simple question, "Why the fuck did Auburn not check the grammar on their website?".

I mean, if you're going to screw up your grammar, at a minimum don't screw it up in a sentence where you're touting your "great education". That's like yours truly telling you that a Whynatte tastes great, and then proceeding to urinate all over your face. Or something like that.

Whynatte is not only the best beverage in the world, its also has a great website.

Caroline and her friends are not only very attractive, they is also love the Whynatte.

It was great to have Caroline and her friends visit Atlanta this past weekend. They is so nice, and they did drank Whynattes like old pro's.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 05 Feb 2007, 8:31 am / MOOD: Other

 

Find out more about this madness at www.whynatte.com  

Running a brothel, while dabbling in arms trade, is no walk in the park. It's not easy keeping all of the girls in line, much less dealing with the physical strain of routine beat-downs, and hauling heavy weapons all over the city.

When the going gets tough, these three brothel proprietors rely on Whynatte to take the edge off.

Says Matt, "I had just finished my Thursday night pistol whipping of this guy, and I was totally beat. I mean, I felt like I was the one who had been beaten sideways with the gun handle. Thanks to Whynatte, I had the energy to drag the guy's limp body out of the brothel, across the street, and all the way to the ditch in the adjacent park".

Adds Jeremy, "It's true...Whynatte is where it's at. We had just received a full crate of new rifles, but the crate was delivered to the apartment on the first floor. Thanks to Whynatte, I had the strength to carry the weapons up two flights of stairs, down the hallway, and into the brothel. On my own, no less".

Jake seems to agree, adding, "I had been running all night...hadn't slept in days. Jeremy and Matt were both in Nicaragua recruiting, and I was left to run the whores for a full 4 days on my own. I never could have made it through those 4 days without Whynatte".

If Whynatte is good enough for 3 guys running whores and guns, isn't is good enough for you? Next time you're feeling like the tank is a little low, trust Whynatte to give you that energy boost you crave.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 02 Feb 2007, 1:38 pm / MOOD: Other

See more at www.whynatte.com!

Whynatte is going to take a moment here to give a special thank you to the New York Central Park Rangers White(www.centralparkrangers.com). The Rangers are a women's club soccer team in NYC, and probably the most rock solid collection of female soccer players in the nation. You think that you're getting a great workout while you read Cosmo on the elliptical? Think again, because these girls run a 10k like you put on glittered lip gloss before a blind date with someone you met on match.com. You think that you broke a great sweat speedwalking around the subdivision today?? Think again, these girls broke the tibia of an opposing player, broke up with their boyfriends without shedding a tear, and then broke your heart without even giving you the time of day. Basically, don't screw with the Rangers, or you'll wind up wearing your fat tongue like a half windsor knot around your fat neck.

So, from this point forward, Whynatte is proud to be the official beverage of the NY Central Park Rangers. Special thanks to Kate, Lynsey, Pat/"Toey", Jaclyn, Walsh, Ryan, Ali, Jo, and friends Andrew, Ryan and Laura. Whynatte is proud to have you as our official club soccer team, and we are proud to be your team's official beverage.

Kate accompanied the following pictures with the detailed timeline below:

10pm: arrived at the bar, with at least 5 willing whynatte virgins
10:02pm: asked bartender if they have access to a latte machine or a coffeemaker. negative to both
10:03pm: asked my friend jo if there was a starbucks nearby. negative
10:04pm: asked jo if there was a deli that served coffee nearby- 1st obstacle overcome
10:10pm: left ghettoass corner deli with a bag full of heavily creamed coffees. priced out at $4.50 10:15pm: asked my table (party of 10) if they'd be interested in trying a whynatte. affirmative responses from all, a couple of the quicker studies responded by saying "whynatte"?
10:16pm: asked a different bartender if i could have 10 pint glasses and 10 shots of jager for a new drink we were trying out at our table. she seemed fascinated, while the man next to me looked at me like i had 6 heads, but clearly emanating that sense of underlying jealousy that he had notte been invited to try one himself.
10:17pm: bartender informs me that the shotglasses at the bar are too large to fit into the pint glasses, and therefore, we cannot have whynattes
10:18pm: undetered, with coffee steadily growing colder at my table, i looked at her as if to say- is there any possible way to drink this drink?!
10:19pm: a bright one she is, that redheaded bartender, jessica. she suggests that we put the jager in the pint glasses and then add the coffee.
10:20pm: i realize this option is the only way to have a whynatte tonight. i also realize that we are getting increasingly further away from a true "whynatte" what with the deli coffee, the wrong size shot glasses and the jager first, followed by the coffee. at this point i realize what we are actually doing is tasting a "reverse whynatte" but as the motto goes, 'it is always better to have a whynatte than to not have one'
10:22pm: jager shots are poured. "toey" and lynsey come over to help carry these glasses of soon-to-be deliciousness to the table, where the perfect temp coffee is poured on top
10:23pm: the whynatte is enjoyed by all at the table, and photos are taken to commemorate the experience

So now, I'll let the pictures do the talking:

Jessica, the bartender. Nice nipple.

The last supper? Nope, the first whynatte.

The guy in green told his girlfriend that he was going out with "a few guys" tonight. What he really meant was that he was going to "have an enormous orgy with an entire girls soccer team".? Well pllayed.

Can you say "wife material"?

Lynsey: One more good reason to always keep a 4 carat princess cut ring in the glove box.

Ryan: The kind of girl that can pound a whynatte, not get a drop of it on her crisp white shirt, and then cold cock you over the head with the glass, all before you have even mustered up the energy to ask her for her email address.

Shannon, Lynsey, and Kate. Kate is obviously sober.

Does the whynatte make you a funnier person?? Yes, see photo below.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 01 Feb 2007, 11:35 am / MOOD: Other

Check this out, and check it out good. I'm about to introduce you to Helga, and her family. Helga, Karl, Kristen, and George (Helga's son) all stopped in for lunch at Carniglias, in Santa Cruz, CA. HELGA IS 75 AND GEORGE IS 80 YEARS OF AGE. I don't think I can overstate the fact that Helga is 75, and she took down a whynatte as easily as she put on that beautiful sport coat this morning. All four of these wonderful folk took down a whynatte before noon today, and Helga was easily the first to finish hers. If only this was a joke...but sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.

Okay kids, I don't know what you're going to do to beat Helga in the "best picture wins and espresso machine" contest, but it's time to step it up. Fact of the matter is that, as of now, a 75 year old woman is beating you at your own game. Not even to mention the fact that she did this BEFORE NOON.

Addendum: I think I'm in love with Helga.

Helga displaying some whynatte fundamentals

George and Helga saddling up

George, "why yes, sir, I did just drop a shot of jager into my latte...and yes, my 75 year old mother is pounding a jager dropped into her latte".

Helga ordering another round for the table.

Kristen recalling her days back in the sorority at USC.

addendum: we have no clue where Kristen went to school, and have no idea where we came up with USC.

Kristen and Karl (80 YEARS OLD!!). The model of a happy whynatte family. Frame this shot, and put it on the mantle next to the photo of uncle Irv.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 31 Jan 2007, 3:18 pm / MOOD: Other

Some kids drink Moet in the V.I.P...We drink Whynatte.

So you scored yourself a nice plush seat in one of the cities hottest VIP rooms. Congrats, you're no different than the other 114 guys wearing black Kenneth Cole shoes alongside their stoic faces. Don't fret, as all is not lost. Whynatte can help.

Next time, why don't you mix things up a little bit, and bring a few lattes to the party? Substitute that bottle of Alize for a bottle of Jagermeister, and pour a few Whynattes for the kind folks in the neighboring booth. At first, they may be a little skeptical, but before long, you'll discover that "Whynatte" is synonymous with "All the hot girls in this club want to take my last name, dance for me, and make many children with me".

Here, let Andy show you how it's done:

Andy, "yes, you're about to drop a shot of Jagermeister into the scalding hot latte I snuck into this club".

Andy, "yes, this fine brown sport coat was purchased less than 2 hours ago".

Andy, "Yes, your girlfriend has her eye on my latte".

Now you try it...

Next time your evening calls for the V.I.P. room, we encourage you to put Whynatte on your guestlist.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 30 Jan 2007, 10:02 am / MOOD: Other

 See more at www.whynate.com!

 Virginia showed her smiling grill of teeth at El Bar this past Thursday. In honor of her appearance I decided to pull out the Merriam-Websters, and look up the actual meaning of the word "Virginia". Here's what I found:

Main Entry: vir·ginia
Pronunciation: vir-JIN-yah
Function: adjective
Etymology: of Latin origin
Synonym: Comatose
1 : of marriageable condition or age
2 : sexually attractive -- used of a young woman who dates a man by name of Larry
3 : one who can drink large amounts of alcohol: the virginia drank 24 shots of vodka and she did not pass out
4 : of blonde hair, and one who holds her whynatte in extended outright arm position

True to definition, notice that Virginia has her arm in an extended position.

True to definition, notice that Virginia is dating a man named Larry.

View Entry | Leave A Comment